When dealing with the opposite sex, I’m far from high maintenance. I look for certain things and ultimately look to coexist, have a good time, and avoid drama at all costs. I got interviewed by Essence last year, and they asked me about 10 questions including “What’s the Dealbreaker in a relationship for you?” They didn’t publish the answer to that questions, so I decided to list me top 5 here. There’s just some things that I won’t tolerate, and when these top 5 things occur, I’m Swayze:
#5 – Psycho Tendencies: Confession: I think crazy can be sooo sexy. Only a LITTLE crazy though, like .010% crazy. When we get into Jasmine Sullivan territory, that’s no bueno! Any woman willing to commit Caricide to my V, physically harm me (and I don’t mean slappin… I mean gangsta rap induced beatdowns), or who will question every Facebook Status, Myspace update, twitter message, phone call, or anything else needs to beat it! Those tendencies reveal a lack of insecurity, and a threat to my peace of mind, and we can’t have that! Ladies, spare me the “Yall make us like this” excuses too!
#4 – She DON’T got her own: Let me present a mathematical proof: Various artists have proclaimed that “It aint trickin if you got it”. Streetz does not trick. Streetz does not “got it”. Therefore, to spend $$ Streetz doesn’t have frivolously on a woman would be considered trickin, and since Streetz is not capable of trickin, this action cannot occur. QED
There’s nothing wrong with taking care of those you care about. The problem lies with women who have no ambition, have no car/job/crib/life plan, yet will criticize every dude for not living up to her status quo. I can respect a golddigger more because she at least has a life plan, and if a salad ass nikka is willing to take them to the promise land, then so be it. I’m not the one. I don’t expect a woman to live my life or accomplish what I did, but independence, ambition, and intelligence are sexy, productive, and necessary in my book. If you have the confidence of a deer caught in headlights, or the intelligence of a bottle of water, I’m good. I’ll even add personality. If you’re personality and conversational skills are drier than the Sahara, go..THAT way!
#3 – Cheating/Lying: I know myself and I know that if a woman cheated on me, I’d feel a certain way. This actually would depend on my mood. I may feel apologetic and forgiving, or I could cut them off immediately. Who knows if I would get over it. It’s a case-by-case situation for me though. I even include lying in this, because when women lie, yall lie about SERIOUS sh*t! I don’t care about little lies, men do it all the time we ALL tell BS lies, like “Oh I fell asleep that’s why I didn’t call you back” when in reality you just forgot, lol. So if you’re lying, cheating, etc, I question everything else and it’s not a good look from there. Time heals all wounds and depending on the situation I can forgive, but I won’t forget. It’s always better to end something than to harbor ill feelings and hold it over someones head forever, which no one deserves.
#2: Sexual incompatibility: Sex isn’t everything in a relationship….but its an integral part in overall physical compatibility. I’ve heard enough horror stories from men and women to know that I’m not alone in this. If I could get more sensation from humping the bed than I can from her, then it’s time to call it quits. If someone wraps your relationship over sex, be happy because eventually they would feel the need to attain their sexual seduction elsewhere. I don’t even know how bad sex, horrible sex, or anything worse can be tolerated for extended amounts of time. If someone can explain that to me I’d appreciate it, because that doesn’t compute in my mind.
#1- Invasions of privacy (My answer to Essence): Lil Wayne’s Mrs Officer shed light that there are some sexy/beautiful law enforcement women out there, HOWEVER that doesn’t mean I’m into FBI induced behavior when dealing with a shorty! All the private eye behavior (breaking into phones, email accounts, checking garbage cans,etc) earns you an immediate release from your contract. I don’t do it, nor do I ever feel compelled to snoop, so I don’t think she should either! Ladies, you can tell me all you want about “women’s intuition” and finding something knowing you were right. Sorry, it’s STILL wrong. Fellas, if your shorty ever finds out damaging info on you by super-duper snoopin, please cite that the bill of rights Fourth Amendment protects you from unlawful search and seizure and without a proper warrant, that “evidence” is inadmissible in your conversation.
What’s the #1 DealBreaker for you? I’d like to hear what other things will have you cross a potential mate off the list. Holla at me!
LOLOL
I like ur list Spec…
Dealbreaker #1: Bad conversationalist. If I can't talk to you for more than 5 min without an awkward uncomfortable pause then it's done.
On the other hand, if we talk and the time flys and we float from topic to topic you can move on to the next level. (yes, this is like a video game – there are levels. If you fail, gameover. Depending on how many lives you got left I'll decide if you get another attempt LOL)
I have alot of other dealbreakers but that's an initial one.
PS: NOW you can say Konnitiwa spec :-p lol
I heart your blogs.
#4…I think that most men actually unconsciously like it when a woman is dependent on them. It makes them feel empowered to be in the position where a woman "needs" them. A lot of men are intimidated by a woman who can has her own. It takes a VERY confident man (not arrogant, but confident cause there is a huge difference) who can deal with a woman who can at any point look at a man as being expendable.
#2.. Sex is everything. I'm sorry. Its the only difference between a cool friend and a husband in my opinion.
Having said that, Sex is my #1 dealbreaker. Everything else can be talked out, worked on, compromised, but that. You gotta be able to do…what it do…feel me?
Jeff, I absolutely LOVE this blog entry.
My top deal breakers are:
1- Insecurity-A man who doesn't have confidence in our relationship or himself, it's a turn off. I'll be more willing to help him find his way but when it filters to wanting to know my every moves, jealousy and toxic energy….I have to keep it moving.
2-Lack of mental stimulation-If our conversations do not flow, seemed forced or are simply BLAH. I already know we aren't going anywhere.
3-Lack of Masculinity-This is a NEW one!!! I've encountered some men that have some female tendancies….A SERIOUS NO GO FOR ME!!! I don't care how nice you are or how much you have going for yourself. In the back of my mind, I will ALWAYS be wondering which team you are batting for.
Your #4 is big on my list, including a MOMMA's BOY. Nope can't do!
5-Sexual incompatibility!!!! I've been guilty of remaining in this type of relationship. The reason I stayed in was because I thought we could work it out, especially since we were extremely compatible on a mental & emotional level. Wrong move!! It didn't make either of us happy and I was on the verge of cheating…so I had to keep it moving!
6-Too many children. I know it's hard to find a man without children in their 30s. My ideal would be 0-1. If you tell me you have 3 kids, it's a wrap unless you are extremely well off. The reality is that child support is going to be killing him and I would love to have at least two. If he can't make ends meet, we aren't going to have much of a future together. I want a partner not a dependent partner. The financial reality kicks in. A dead beat dad is also a deal breaker. What future can I expect to have with a man that doesn't assume responsibility for his children.
Jeff,
I agree with your list but I think I'm going to have to cosign Connie. Sex is everything to me too. I can pretty much even deal with a craaaazy deranged negro that snoops if the sex is everything. But if I'm doing my job in my assessment of your personality–asking the one million questions that I ask and I paying attention to you when you think I'm not, I can pretty much tell if you are crazy. its in the eyes, you know. now you can never tell a snooper by sight, I'm not a snooper cuz I believe in if you go looking for something you find it….
As i read this post I laughed at the descriptions of dry humping, FBI recognitions and getting at her own. Yes these are defiantly deal breakers!
I dont want a man who is insane, cant take care of him self, cant do nothing for me in bed, OF COURSE cheat/lie and invades my privacy. If anyone thinks that these are okay then you obviously fit one of these profiles yourself.
1)WEAKNESS: A man/woman who cheats is weak. Yes you can say you'd never know what you'd do in that situation but me, yes it might hurt but id get over it in due time. I defiantly would not look back because I have no tolerance for weaknesses. In my eyes you are pathetic.
2) LOCKED KEY: ARE YOU CRAZY! you obviously fit with number 5 and 1. and im not into hitting two birds with one stone in this case. TRUST is the key to any relationship, if you go through my stuff the obviously you dont trust me and without trust the relationship will not last. COMMUNICATION is the second key to a relationship, if you think something is going on ASK! dont snoop cause that just aint cute!
3) CONCEDED NOT CONFIDENT : "Its not that im conceded, im just confident" bla bla bla. In one ear and out the other. Everyone knows the difference between being proud of who you are to just thinking your the shit. I dont care HOW cute you are, at this age its obvious that looks dont get you far, personality is key. A personality can make you the hottest thing on the planet.
4) BLOND: if i cant have an intelligent conversation with you its a defiant NO! If you dont know whats going on in the world and ur stuck in your little bubble its a NO! and if you say "like" or always look confused its a HELL NO!
5) USHER SAID IT BEST: dont blame me for you past ex's mistakes. I dont want to be reminded of the past pain, cause i didnt cause it. I am me, so the brick wall needs to come down else it just wont work. Comparing me to a person i dont even know and have no relations with is just crazy. Look into my eyes and hold to the truth of my heart cause trust I wont pay for anyone else's mistake
@ Connie and Reecie: I should've put quotes around "sex isn't everything", lol. I definitely subscribe to your ways of thinking. To me, no matter how compatible, bad sex is a finisher! Its like waiting until Christmas for that pair of Jordans, only to unwrap your present and see a shiny new pair of British Knights. Not a good look!
@Joanne – I cosign on your list, especially the kids. I understand why women say that kids are dealbreakers. If you get super serious with that person, they are basically leading a dual life and you will have to share a part of them forever. I may concede on one kid. 2 or more?? Return to sender. I also see you hate metrosexuals, lmao!
@Deal Me Out – Great list!
For #5 – When a dude's been seriously hurt, it's hard to get that past out of your head. You personally may not be blamed, but the situation will cause a dude to be more cautios. This is easier to overcome though, because eventually all men have to suck it up [||] and get over it! you should never let the BS that an ex does mortgage your future with the next woman!
#3 – There's a fine line between conceit and confidence, but a big difference between habitual line steppers and habitual line breakers! Recognizing the two is the challenge.
#3: VERY TRUE!!! but i try to stay away from those type of people as best as i can. The best way to go about it is to surround yourself with down to earth people.
#5: Im not saying that sometimes you might second guess it or be more cautious because thats what you receive from a lesson learned and thats the way you should go about it. Yea you might question, why me? but at the end of the day be confident in who you are, know what you bring to the table and understand that it was her mistake.
If you progress with negative thoughts of a women and cant seem to look at relationships the same way then your not ready to get into another one. Times of reflections are the most beneficial moments in a persons life. Dont treat it like a stereotype, all men/women arent the same.
Very true @ your answer to #5 – Just giving some insight into how ment think ya know?
<q cite="Deal Me Out Said">If you progress with negative thoughts of a women and cant seem to look at relationships the same way then your not ready to get into another one. Times of reflections are the most beneficial moments in a persons life. Dont treat it like a stereotype, all men/women arent the same.</q>
^^^^^100% co-sign! Thats the biggest hurdle to overcome.
Not giving oral sex is a Deal Breaker for me
LOLOL
I like ur list Spec…
Dealbreaker #1: Bad conversationalist. If I can’t talk to you for more than 5 min without an awkward uncomfortable pause then it’s done.
On the other hand, if we talk and the time flys and we float from topic to topic you can move on to the next level. (yes, this is like a video game – there are levels. If you fail, gameover. Depending on how many lives you got left I’ll decide if you get another attempt LOL)
I have alot of other dealbreakers but that’s an initial one.
PS: NOW you can say Konnitiwa spec :-p lol
Overprotective Behavior/Possession Issues..
-Everyone likes to be "cuffed" at times and I'm all for quality time but geez if one person can't get a girl's/guys day in without the "possessor" showing up there is a little problem. Safety is always an issue but if someone waves hi, there is no need to throw a hissy fit. Clingers are not cute and will be shaken off.
Another Great Blog Jeff..Its real simple for me.
#1..Lying, Cheating and Insecurity..(Which is why you are lying and cheating in the first place)..Once I know you can go there and chose to..Its wrap..I think the little lies are the worse..If you can lie about a return phone call..then you will truly Lie about the major things!!
#2. Children..well since it appears that everyone was sexing it up with protection at one point..its hard to find a guy btwn 27 and 35 without at least one child..1 child is my limit!! I'm not even going to Play around..My end up Preggers..".LMAO
DEALBREAKER:
Lack of Chemistry..You either have It or you Don't..YOU CAN NOT FAKE IT!!! Its the difference btwn being dizzy from their hot azz morning breath and thinking their morning breath smell like your favorite piece of Candy..Its all about the Chemistry Baby!!
Witty,
Hot breath is hot breathe. Chemistry heightens your tolerance for it. I dont care how much you love the person, if your breath hums louder than Mary J, kicks harder than Bruce Lee, or feels lile flames licking your grill, you will be asked to go brush your teeth or talk in the other direction!
i like number 3. real talk, lies are a deal breaker!
Nice blog entry!
Children used to be a deal breaker for me and that changed. Then I had a son, and I had to realize that if I enter the dating scene again that I'd probably have to consider men that already has a child because a lot of men don't want to date women with children which I completely understand. Even though I am a mother, men with multiple kids and especially with multiple "baby mamas" will not be considered.
Men who cannot stand on their own two feet. I do not want anything to do with a dependent individual.
Liars, and cheaters. I absolutely hate being lied to. I consider myself an open, cool individual. I know we all tell white lies, and may slip up a time or two and tell a little one. Something serious? Hell no, homeboy can step. Cheating is a no no. Even if I loved that person, once the trust is broken it's broken. I don't want to spend the rest of the relationship with crazy ish in the back of my mind becoming bitter.
Men who do any type of drugs. I have seen enough of that in my lifetime, and I refuse to deal with it. Yes weed is included.
Chemistry. Either it's there or it's not. That is something you cannot force, go to counseling over, or try to change.
I just posted this on my blog, here's my list….
Moist/Damp hair – Indicates the use of some kinda "man" perm, ya know Duke, S-Curl, anything in that variety. I can't hang homie.
9. Cornrows – This has already been discussed in length so ya'll know how I feel about this one.
8. Long Nails – Men and long nails just don't go together, it's very homosexish, cut those nasty things, geez!
7. Too Little/Too Many teeth – Anyone who knows me knows I'm obsessed with teeth, they really do make or break your looks. I'm not too certain on the exact number of teeth we should all have but I most certainly can tell when some are missing. The only explanation I can come to for why some of us have too many is that perhaps your baby teeth never fell out, I don't know but go see a professional, pronto! and refrain from being in my grill.
6. Being a Stiff – look I'm no ordinary woman, I'm a freakin handful and I like to live. Living is not walking around with a pole stuck up your ass. Relax, allow yourself to laugh sometimes, stop taking life so serious, however if you insist on being a tight ass then I am soooo not for you. I do know a shitload of bourgeoisie chicks with poles stuck up their asses too that I'd be more than happy to introduce you to.
5. Soft Hands – Nothing says feminine man like a pair of soft hands. I mean dude! Have you ever lifted a tool? any tool? go outside and scrap your hands on some concrete or something and then try feeling me up. A man with manly hands, what a novel idea!Image
4. Slang – There's professional "a nukka got a career" talk and then there's " hood/homie" talk. My problem is when "hood/homie" talk is the only talk you workin with. It's okay to speak proper English sometimes, Y-T does not own the market on that, mmmkay? Oh and for the love of apple pie!!!! stop using/saying conversate, JUST STOP! that word does not exist, at least not in any dictionary I own. It's all Biggie's fault, "conversate for a few, cause in a few we gon do what we came to do ain't that right boo? true" Biggie may not have known himself that this is not a word or maybe he was just trying to make all the words fit together, who knows, the man is dead and he's not here to defend himself, I just want ya'll to knock it off.
3. Gossiping – I'm turned off by women who gossip so for a man to gossip like a bitter old rotten biddy is just a no no, stop that!, real men don't have time or even think about gossiping, it's not sexy. Image
2. Overgrooming – Wash your ass, abso-fuckin-lutely! but please don't wax and arch your eyebrows, please don't. Just think Jonathan Plummer, (Terry McMillian's ex- husband) to get a feel of just how homosexish that is. Men are supposed to have scraggily brows, it's what makes you a man.
1. SMOKING – my # 1 DEALBREAKER!!!!! you gotta be a real a-hole to still be a smoker, it's sooooooooo freakin gross. If I have offended any of the smokers out there, good! get your shit together and quit immediately.